bitter or better, the choice is mine.

Leviticus 26:10 Ill be honest, I have struggled my way through some of Leviticus and some days I really drag my feet to open that book and try to learn from it. My goal is always to apply the Words in my Bible to my life and sometimes, this book has really made that hard. Today, though... Leviticus hit my heart. I couldn't get past those first two words without a heaping conviction.. YOU SHALL. I can not tell you how many times in my life that I, being the "baby" in my family, have waited and wondered when someone else was gonna come along and fix things. I mean, surely my mama is gonna come help me with this or that. Sometimes when things get really hard, I just sit and hope that God sends me a big miracle...I often think, "someone just fix "it"( it being a problem or even a person) and then I remembered this funny shirt I saw on Pinterest the other day..

I laughed at that shirt only to realize that its totally my perspective on life at times. In addition to that, Ive been reading "Girl, wash your face." by Rachel Hollis (totally recommend it) and a huge part of the book is about taking responsibility for your life and being intentional to make things happen because no one will care about your dreams as much as you will, and no one is going to make it happen if you don't! Sometimes, I cling to verses like "be still" and want to just "wait patiently on the Lord" while things are taken care of. There are times, however that "YOU SHALL" needs to be big part of the changing and the growing, I need to be intentional and take an active part in the process! I have to take ownership of my day to day, over what I allow to come in and out of my life, my mind, and the words I allow to come out of my mouth. Im slowly learning that people will treat me badly as long as I allow them to and that I need to stop giving weight to the words of those whose opinions don't really deserve to hold a place in my life. I get a say, as long as I take it. I know that there are so many assertive, go-getter people out there thinking, "obviously". But, for a people pleaser, pushover, mercy like myself, its so hard! I typically don't want to cause waves, Im scared to rock the boat and I have a really hard time standing up for myself ( I do a little better standing up for my kids but thats a different story... me personally, you could typically walk all over). Because of that, this touched my heart! Also, because of that, Im re reading "boundaries" ( for the 3rd time since I forget to even have boundaries). I am also learning that "no" is a complete sentence! Thats a total side note, but it was hugely impactful for me to learn because Ive always used "no" more as a question to see if the person I am actually saying "no" to will be okay with my having said it and of course Im typically quick to change the no to a yes if needed because Ive never really thought my opinions, needs or wants mattered much if someone else opposed them or didn't agree but, guess what? They do. 36 years old and just now embracing that truth! The next part of this verse that hit home didn't go past the next two words... "CLEAR OUT". I immediately thought not about my closet or physical clutter but my mind. About once a year I sit and write out lies that I have believed, I typically get to them by thinking through what makes my heart hurt and what Ive struggled with, then I refute those with scripture... I cling to Philippians 4:8 and try to focus on what is "true". I am always so very surprised to see what lies Ive believed (often without even realizing it) and how much I let other peoples opinions of me weigh me down. As an adult, when there are people in your life who throw insults at you, it seems like it should be easier to sift through the insult and see it for what it really is. Often those people insulting others with name calling and such, rather than working through issues, are unhappy themselves. Maybe they disagree with a choice you make, or are just hurting in their own way and hiding it behind hate. NO matter how I rationalize hurtful words, there are times that they do sting and I need to be intentional and "clear out" those words. I need to clear out the "words" of a society that demands physical perfection and remember that I am healthy and loved. I need to clear out the feeling that I am "not enough", my being at home with my children is not enough, the way I parent is not enough, my house cleaning is not enough, my serving is not enough.. and if I choose to focus on all of my "not enough's" I start to believe them. When that happens, I just want to tuck tail and lick my wounds, at my house, by my self because I cant see past the "not enough's" to find anything positive at all. Rachel Hollis has wisely stated that, "Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business" and oh, is that so very true. Ive allowed the opinions of others to carry so much weight when they are not even an immediate part of my life and there are times that people don't even have to say a thing, Ill just think to myself that they must think something about me. When I fail to make a PTO meeting I really wanted to make, when my kiddo doesn't have a water bottle for field day, when I am not serving or doing as much as someone else, when I forget an important appointment and the list could go on and on. That leads me to one more Rachel Hollis quote that I love (did I mention that I love her book) "Don't give someone with cheap seats an expensive opinion of your life." Gracious, how may times have I done this very thing only to realize that those opinions sincerely do not matter and only impact what I allow it to impact in my life. Yass why should I care what the people who don't live in my household think of me, beyond my being a person ( full of flaws) who tries to do the right thing. Im not saying just throw your reputation in the wind, or use " only God can judge me" as your mantra for living to indulge every selfish desire you may have, but give value to the opinions of those who really love you and know your heart. Do your best and work for the approval of God (Galations 1:10) and stop worrying about what other people think when you know that you are doing the best you can, where you are with what you have. A wise friend recently told me that a good old pity party for a minute is ok, but then you have to put on your big girl panties and face the world. I am thankful for good friends who speak invaluable truth into my life when I need it and remind me that I need to take responsibility for the words I ponder on. I can choose to focus on my blessings, focus on using the many God given attributes that I have, or I can allow comparison (aka the their of joy) and the negative words of others to overwhelm me and choose to sit on the sidelines pouting while the game of life goes on around me. This leads me to the last five words of the verse, "MAKE WAY FOR THE NEW". Ah, thats it! As long as I keep listening to those old lies,I am allowing them to take up the valuable space in my though life and there is no room for the new. I have to weed that mess out so that the bitter cant grow (Ephesians 4:31-32) and the new focus on my daily blessings and joy have room to flourish and change my thoughts and life! It is when I am intentional about getting the old out that I can me "transformed by the renewing of my mind." (Romans 12:2). Its HUGE! Why I ever go back down that yucky slope of letting the lies slip is beyond me because at those times.. the times that I replace my focus on bitter with a focus on blessings and realize that that choice is mine and no one else can make it for me...then my life is full of peace and joy. Yes the trials still come but I can choose to face the trial and come through rather than lament and feel sorry for myself over the trial. I can choose to focus on the loss and hurt and things in my life that I think aren't "fair" or I can clear that clutter attitude out of my mind and make way to focus on the new blessings that come with each day!