friendship, when its hard

It's one of my favorite people in the world's birthday today. I can think of a few hundred things that I could share that would express my love and appreciation for her friendship and love for me. There is this one story though, that sticks out in my mind. I have to give just a little backstory first. Amanda and I began our friendship in college at our part time job (sometime around the year 2000). We bonded on the benches as we watched after school care kiddos play. Our friendship eventually went much deeper because our sweet friend, Bethany, invited us to join a Women's Bible Study group that would change our lives. Amanda and I (having not been raised in church) learned so much over the years of Tuesday nights that we spent sitting around that Bible Study table. As the years passed, our lives would change and get busy, and the time we got to hang out would vary over the years. I got married, had two babies and worked a very demanding job. Amanda was teaching and coaching and wandering her way through the crazy maze that is the dating world nowadays. Still, we met pretty regularly at those Tuesday night studies. We were learning, growing and getting an understanding of our Bible. We were able to deepen our faith and learn first hand what accountability meant. Over the years Amanda and I grew really close as we both went through some really hard times. We were a mutual shoulder to cry on, a source of encouragement and even accountability... sometimes when it was hard to speak truths that we both knew had to be spoken because our love for Jesus and for one another was greater than our fear of loosing our friendship. After so many years of sharing life together, Amanda knows my heart. She could write the book on my life just about as well as I could. About three years ago I went through a divorce. It was THE hardest thing I have EVER gone through/done in my life. Amanda shouldered more than her share of my tears, pain and fears. At this time in my life my heart was raw and highly sensitive. I was very, very insecure about where I even fit in life. I was also very (I mean super, highly) sensitive to what people said or how I might be judged or looked down on. Finally, the point of this post. A few months after the divorce there was an opportunity to serve in a local downtown ministry that Amanda and I had talked about serving at in the past. We were excited that our schedules finally matched and we were able to serve. We went down and helped with setup. A little while later we were chatting with a few men from churches in the area. One of the men from my church asked about where I was going to church and I told him and mentioned an awesome program that I had been involved in at the church. The man said that he was glad that I was there, even though he knew the Lord hates divorce. He may have said something a little different than that and he could have said that I looked like a princess afterward for all I know, but that one comment about the Lord hating divorce, was pretty much all that my hurting heart heard. In fact, he may as well have said that the Lord hated me according to my thinking at that time. My face immediately fell. Amanda and I walked over to pass out hand sanitizer and I knew that my heart was already putting up a wall. I was starting to feel bitter and wanting not to go back to church (specifically not that church or maybe not any church at all). My mind was reeling and I was letting the irrational thoughts have a hayday. I realized that the angry thoughts, based (irrationally) in my hurt, were coming quickly and I looked at Amanda and said, "I need to talk with you when we leave here." Amanda looked at me and without me saying a word, said she already knew what I wanted to talk about. We went our separate ways serving for a little while longer and then I looked up to see where Amanda was. Finally, I saw her off to the side speaking with the man who had made that comment. When she came back over my way, I asked her just what she was up to. She said not to worry about it and that she just wanted to help me clear things up. I had tears in my eyes as I realized that my friend had defended me without a hesitation or a single thought to how awkward it had to have been for her. On the way home I spilled my heart and Amanda talked me through the reality of the situation so that I could see outside of my deep sensitivity. The man sincerely didn't mean any harm by what he had said, he was just making a comment in passing. Amanda said that she knew by the look on my face when he made the statement that I had taken it personal and that it had hurt me. Knowing my heart well, Amanda knew where my mind was going and knew herself that, had she not taken the chance to help in this misunderstanding, that I would have struggled with the bitterness and hurt that was welling up in my heart. It's crazy how my hurt female brain can work when focused on my own personal sorrows and sensitivity. Amanda took a chance that day and went out of her way to let that man (that she had never met and had no idea how he would respond) know where my heart was and how his comment had stung. Amanda and I prayed on the ride home. We talked through reality and tried to get my emotional heart back focused on Christ and truth. The next Wednesday night, I was in the back of the sanctuary (where I tried to go unnoticed as I sat alone every week) when that man ( who I now know to be very kind hearted) came up to me and gave me a very sincere and humble apology for his words. If you have never received a sincere apology from a grown man (specifically one you barely know), I want you to know that it is one of the most humbling things that I have ever experienced. I was just about in tears and I told him that I forgave him and in that moment there was so much healing in my heart. I am thankful for that healing, thankful for the chance to serve a God who loves me in spite of all of the crazy, self centered thoughts in my head, and thankful beyond words for a friend who was so willing to help me. Amanda, this is just one of the bajillion reasons that I am so so very thankful for you. Words can't express it all. I am so very thankful for the place that you hold in my life. A companion who has been there when no one else was. A friend who was willing to drop everything to pick me up as I was barefoot and crying in a parking lot... and the stories go on and on. Its the hard times that come to mind first, because many friends are glad to join in the joyful times, but the hard times... thats when your friendship to me really shines. I pray that my babies have friends like you and I am looking forward to many more birthday dinners together. Love you bunches!!!

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